Bare feet on cold hardwood floor, early in the morning. I opened my door for what felt like the first time in years, and I gazed out into the hallway. I stood there for an hour, fully aware, fully functioning. I stood because I had the strength to do so, I wanted to savor it.
I understand why cats spend so much time staring at walls. They're intriguing in that dull way, swimming worms and chemical mixture the paint is made of. I like it, it's calming and unobtuse and soothing, like being a child waiting for the appropriate time to be awake before venturing out into the kitchen for cereal.
There's a bird outside my window, perched on the sill. It's a house sparrow. A pudgy thing with a black bib of feathers on its chest, leading up in a clean line to its lower beak, it reminds me of a goetee, haha. Its puffy body is fluffed for the cold air outside, cloudy and full of promise. The auburn brown down its back is beautiful. It flew away.
The storm has arrived. I can taste it on my tongue, natural and the way any human is meant to. I opened my window to hear the rain patter on the street far below, to breathe in the humidity and cradle it in my lungs. Thunder sounded, and I opened my eyes in time to see the flicker of lightning in the distant sky beyond.
My room is freezing. I'm bundled up under my covers conserving heat. My body isn't as durable as it used to be, a sneeze could tip me over haha. Maybe I'm exaggerating. It bites my skin and leaves me shivering, teeth clattering with a smile on my face, wrapped in blankets and closing my eyes to study it. Shivering is the result of muscles contracting and relaxing to generate warmth, fascinating.
I've had this sweater since highschool. It's worn and loved, red with deeper toned hemming, royal and loose on my shoulders the way good jackets ought to be. I wore it every day without fail, and I've kept up the good habit relatively well up til this year. Ah. Goodbye, fragment of myself.
It's late now, without thought I check--2am. I hate that I can do that. I lay with my hands clasped over my stomach, staring up at darkness, I had to close my curtains. I lay here and I think, I lay here and I wonder, I lay here and I